Created to be His Helpmeet

originally published on ylcf.org, April 2005

"Always remember that the day you stop smiling is the day you stop trying to make your marriage heavenly, and it is the first day leading to your divorce proceedings."

So Debi Pearl puts it in the most down-to-earth, practical, hands-on book ever written for wives: Created to be His Help Meet. In its 300 pages, Debi outlines the responsibilities and duties of a Help Meet, giving everything from child training advice and meal plans to memorable anecdotes and rather scandalous tales of her own happy marriage.

One of my favorite pieces of advice has always been, "Never frown: you don't know who's falling in love with your smile." And it's a good thing I listened to it, because my man frequently thanks me for my "always-ready smile." Debi Pearl writes much on the importance of joy in marriage. "When he first fell in love with you, you were a sweet little thing, full of laughter and fun. From the very bottom of your heart you were thrilled with him... Is he still married to the same sweet little thing, or have you become a long-faced, sickly complainer? Love is like a flower: you can't expect it to grow without sunshine. Has your lover seen your sunshine lately? ...Does yor husband see you as a happy thankful woman? Does he smile when he looks at you, amused at the cheerful little grin on your face and the totally delightful things you think and say--even the dumb things? Learn to charm him with your mischievous 'only for him' grin."

Debi's emphasis is that you must continually "Cultivate his love for you," earning every cherishing smile and caress. Never expect your husband to love you just because he should, she explains. Debi tells the unforgettable "Tale of the Purple Flowers PJ Girl" to emphasize the things your man really cares about...and it's not what you'd think!

Debi even has her own summary of the personality types of men, which you can read in this excerpt.

Created to be His Help Meet is a wealth of practical advice for wives. Chock-full of letters about real marriages, and Debi's sage responses, Created to be His Help Meet addresses subjects that most books won't touch.

But like many books on marriage, it's not recommended reading unless marriage is in your immediate future. I was shocked to find examples and stories that were rather explicit and provocative. Especially in comparison to my other two favorite books on marriage: For Women Only (click for review) by a mainstream Christian publisher and Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands (click for review) from the secular publishing world. So though I don't usually recommend a book and then tell you what chapters not to read, I will with Created to be His Help Meet. Chapter 16 is a great chapter called "To Love Their Husbands." But it's about loving your husband (read: sex) so wait until he's almost your husband to read it. Chapter 19 is all about modesty--and what immodesty does to men. I'd recommend skipping pages 204-207. Chapter 23 is about instances in which not to obey your husband--skip it unless you really need to know them! (While I've not yet finished reading the book completely, I've skimmed it in detail, and hopefully caught all the extremely objectionable parts.)

Despite the Pearl's rather conservative views, and my aforementioned objections to the book, Debi Pearl's sage advice is too good not to pass on. I think many wives will find invaluable encouragement in the pages of Created to be His Help Meet. I wish Debi would write an edited version for young women, with a title like Preparing to be His Help Meet. We don't need to be reading too many details about sex and marriage. But we do need to be trained in the role we dream of filling, because we were Created to be His Help Meet.

Created to be His Helpmeet