The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

originally published on ylcf.org, October 2004

I've always known that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach, so when I heard about Dr. Laura Schlessinger's book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, I was intrigued. I ran across references to it while doing research for an article about being "the woman behind the man." When I read the book a few weeks later, I was surprised to find Dr. Laura expounding upon each of the points in my article. Without ever having read her book (or being married, for that matter), I'd written an article that put The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands in a nutshell. (All my article was missing were Dr. Laura's sometimes rather crass words and illustrations, and the chapter on sex.)

While I was obviously familiar with many of the basic premises in Proper Care and Feeding, Dr. Laura illustrated the principles with unforgettable stories. And then there was the chapter on communication that really hit home for me. Dr. Laura said that we shouldn't treat our man like our girlfriends. He's not for "dumping" on. She quoted a listener named Marla who shared, "Things have been so much happier in our home and our marriage since I've started taking my problems to God first and trying to deal with my own emotions before 'dumping' them on him. He's more willing to hear when I have a problem now...because he isn't bombarded with them constantly." Dr. Laura stated, "You'll be off track more often than not if you constantly imagine that your husband's quiet is a sign of trouble... The truth is that wives generally overwhelm their husbands with communication." She wrote that one of the most difficult concepts for wives to accept is that they should "cut down on the communication as a way to improve it." 'Nough said.

"No emotional outlet is worth damaging my husband's reputation," shared one of Dr. Laura's listeners named Becky. Another named Melissa told how she had begun bragging on her husband whenever her girlfriends started griping about theirs. Melissa said, "As much as men's bellies need to be filled with delicious home-cooked meals, their egoes need to be filled with 'yummy food' as well. I have found that if I speak blessings about my husband, then blessings are what I get in return."

And about guy time, Josh wrote to Dr. Laura explaining, "A woman would do well to understand that an honest, faithful husband who goes on a three-week hunting trip is not telling her he doesn't love her. He just wants to kill something. Nothing more complicated than that." Dr. Laura concluded, "The more you create an atmosphere that shows you appreciate what he does when he's out there, the more he's going to want to be home."

You wives should all read the chapter on sex. I'll just share this one killer quotation: "Sex is to a husband what conversation is to a wife."

Dr. Laura reiterates over and over that a wife's approval is like oxygen to a husband, her disapproval like emasculation. A listener named Bill wrote, "Words are a whisper, but what she does for me is a thunder." And Dr. Laura says, "There are only so many hours in a day and only so much we can put our energies into. We have to make choices. And if you don't pick your husband as #1, that favor will, sadly, be returned."

Dr. Laura sums it all up by saying, "Men rescue, repair, provide, protect. Men don't sit, stew, and rehash. Men are active and proactive. They do that out of love, duty, responsibility, and character. That needs to be respected and appreciated if a woman is to have a happy life married to a good man. A good man is just that--a man. A good man is not a best girlfriend." And as listener Dan added, "A good man is hard to find, not to keep."

"The truth is that when it comes to home and relationships, women rule," states Dr. Laura. "This is a book about how to rule wisely and lovingly."

My article "Farmer's Wife or First Lady" just scratches the surface. I would highly recommend that every women read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.

Related posts:
"Farmer's Wife or First Lady"
Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage (a review)

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands